Why I Coach around Midlife* and the Menopause**

Let me begin with a story: I once attended a group session on nutrition for women experiencing menopause that started with a list – a very long list – of the awful things that can happen to our bodies and minds in these years – and an invitation to tick off all the ones that applied. The room got quieter and quieter, as we slammed into a reality that none of us was choosing. This set the tone for the rest of the session; we came away with a cacao smoothie recipe, an awareness of maca powder’s benefits, and an overwhelming fear of what was to come. Sent into battle with this period of our lives, we knew that, even if we consumed flaxseeds, we would lose.

Let me say right now: these sessions are not that.

Yes, midlife and the menopause can be a shit show: The weight gain and emotional shifts, the hot flushes and dryness in places that even Aveeno can’t go, the relationship changes — separations, divorces, blended families, conscious uncouplings, marriages, singledom —, the family conflicts that are no longer limited to who puts the kids to bed but to how to balance aging parents and equally as hormonal teenagers in the same time and space, the careers that have stopped, or are getting started, are plateauing or even regressing, and just that crushing tiredness that sends us to our imaginary beds at 3pm even as we’ve got more of our working day ahead of us. This is what my friends and I are going through. And this is where our minds can go and where we can get lost: in the overwhelm, the anxiety, the exhaustion, even the regret. These may be what brought you here.

But there’s also this: the magic that can come when you get through that place of discomfort and find there is something on the other side. The joy that can come from stepping into your wisdom and letting go of everything that no longer serves you. The confidence of coming to terms with who you really are and accepting who that is. There’s the excitement that can come from rethinking the next part of our lives and really centering the next years based on our values, our needs, even our wants. The courage that comes with listening to the louder and louder voice inside ourselves that we’ve tempered through people-pleasing, fear of failure, and maybe a glass of wine or two. Then we’re free to be curious, grateful, open to new possibilities that this stage of our life can bring, to look for what else the brain fog and hot flushes might be masking.

In these sessions we’ll explore all of it. How you feel about where you are, where (and who) you might want to be, and how you might go through this period of life so you can get there, on your own terms, in your own way. We’ll look at how to approach this period of change with an open, positive mindset. We’ll look at how we can place value on midlife, even when we may not appreciate the physical shifts, and approach it in a way that feels empowering, intentional and courageous.

We’ll also explore what you need to better manage this period, the wellbeing strategies you could implement based on what health means to you. We’ll look beyond physical shifts to emotional ones, and take a positive whole-person approach.

In my life, this period has brought up ideas around aging, self-image, purpose, relationships: I’ve been woken at 3am not just by night time sweats but by what-ifs and whats-to come. Anxiety is a constant companion, as is retinol. I know what this period can bring, because I’m there right now. In our sessions, I’ll bring this honest, realistic and reassuring approach; if you’ve felt it, I (or one of my friends or clients) has most likely felt it too. You do not need to go through this period alone.

As we move through our sessions, I’ll share the resources that help me – the organisations and change makers that I look to, as well as the Culture Therapy piece embedded in my practice. if there’s anything to be read on this subject, I’ve read it, am reading it, or its on my bedside table. I’ll gone deep into the podcasts; I’ve searched many an article. I’ll give you my edit of what can help and how you can orientate yourself in this time in your life.

One caveat: I am not a medical professional so I can’t prescribe the solutions to what your body is doing around all those hormone shifts. As someone on HRT, I can tell you how transformational it has been in my life and how taking oestrogen, progesterone and yes, testosterone, has become my bedrock for negotiating the perimenopause. These have been a game changer for me.

I do know that even once I got this combination of hormones right, the questions around this part of my life stayed: what do I want the next part of my life to look like, how do I want to continue to show up, and how will I make that happen given the realities around me? What does it mean to still be curiosity-driven in midlife, to age well, to model to my daughter (and ultimately myself) the value of women of all ages and what we can contribute (traditionally overlooked) in all stages of our lives?  

I’ve found that midlife can present a natural moment of reflection and reevaluation, a pivot point, even a paradigm shift. In midlife, we exist in a new boundary, and if we use this time thoughtfully, we can create (new) foundations for happier and healthier years to come. That gives me hope. As does the fact that more of us are doing this together, stepping out and into a new moment of rewakening? Come with me?

*All the M-’s. I’m at a loss to what to call this period – so much baggage with each word but we’ll go with this for now. At least it’s not ‘The Change”. I kind of like ‘Going Through It’. What M - or otherwise - would make you feel good?

** This just is what it is (though you may also have come across the Menopause Transition, and we’ve read about The Grand Climacteric, The Reboot, The Big-M, Noon and Queenagers.) What do you prefer?