LOST: Myself | FOUND: A limited edition of one
Once upon a time, every single human being on the planet was born as a limited edition of one. We began to crawl about on a pioneering discovery tour, taking in our new world with curiosity and amazement. The gift of walking enhanced our spirit of adventure. Then, step-by-step, we began to imitate others. That was how we learned life-changing skills, from speaking to cleaning our teeth.
The less fun side of this mirroring came when we started to paddle in the sea of sameness. There was pressure to have a certain appearance, from a slender body to ripped jeans. Perhaps we were encouraged to pursue a career path that carried an externally applied success label. That would magically mean that we could purchase the dream homes, kitchens, and holidays that yelled at us from ads.
Then there was the layer of “shoulds” related to adhering to social, gender-specific, and cultural norms. The sea of sameness can get scary and ultimately swallow us up. The temptation to fit in and measure up to standards we didn’t set ourselves endangers our mental and physical wellbeing. We get lost.
So how can we return to factory settings and start to use our onboard uniqueness to achieve the happiness, success, and wellbeing WE define? Spoiler Alert. It’s not actually that hard. The answer is to explore, express, and enjoy our “daily differentness”, the everyday behaviors, actions, and thoughts that make us who we are and nobody else can ever be. This is an easily accessible, playful tool with the potential to develop into a helpful default mindset.
Your daily differentness inputs can be gathered in a variety of forms. You can write down examples of your onboard uniqueness in a journal or notebook. Maybe it’s more your thing to record them on your phone. Or you can take photos, or even do some quick sketches, to make sure they don’t escape you. Another possibility is simply to reflect on them during a walk, meditation, or coffee break. Anything goes, because this authentic proof of your uniqueness belongs 100% to you and nobody else.
Your map
Take time to think about the path you took to get to where you are today. It’s a guaranteed limited edition of one from the very start. What comes up for you when you think of the place where you spent a significant part of your childhood? Focus on associations that only you would have – memories of weddings, birthdays, or other events you experienced or your favorite hangouts… What did the place give you? Moving on from there, where were you when some of the turning points or highlights of your life to date happened? Revisit them in your mind and try to remember how they made you feel. Think of three places where you felt or feel good and go there in your mind, via a Google search, or even physically. What surroundings would you like to be in right now if feasibility wasn’t an issue? This is YOUR map and you are the only person who needs to find their way around it.
Your language
Your one-off route through life will of course have an original script. Every human being has their own unique vocabulary. Furthermore, no two people have been part of exactly the same repertoire of conversations during their life. We are all affected by different words spoken by others. Try scan-reading a block of text on your phone, tablet, or computer screen. What words jump out and what thoughts or images do they trigger? What does silence mean to you? In which situations has it been positive and in which ones has it been negative? How did you behave in these moments? What secret code words do you have? For instance, have you invented a nickname for yourself or someone else? Do you use a particular word in a way that would be foreign to a person with the same native language? By discovering how rich and diverse our own language is, we are nurturing our voice, the voice that we need in order to speak our truth.
Your equipment
Each of us has a unique combination of perceptions, strengths, skills, connections, and likes. What was your favorite childhood food? Do you still have access to it? If so, try it and see what it evokes now. Go for a walk, no matter how short. Commit to looking out for something that will not have caught anyone else’s eye, be that an animal shape you see in a cloud, or a stranger wearing an item of clothing that reminds you of someone you know or have known in the past. Bring to mind a small gesture or action that reflects who you really are and how you see the world. Think of someone who has had a positive impact on your life. What characteristic of theirs do you appreciate most and why? No one can steal what belongs 100% to you.
Your reward
So how can developing the daily differentness muscle and mindset serve you?
· It reveals who you really are and can flourish being.
· It highlights the unique contribution you make to the situations, communities and relationships that make up your everyday life.
· It opens your mind to the differentness of others, enabling you to live diversity rather than just talk about it.
Some Resources:
Limited Edition of One: The Book
The Cloud Appreciation Society
The Power of Diversity Within Yourself, Rebecca Hwang for TED
