How to Know It’s Time for a Change: Understanding Avoidance vs. Approach Motivation
Something needs to change. But what?
Maybe you’ve been circling the same thoughts for weeks, months—years even. You know something isn’t working, but the specifics feel murky. Should you quit the job? End the relationship? Finally book the coaching session, sign up for the course, or move to that city you can’t stop thinking about?
Or maybe it’s more subtle. A feeling of restlessness. A quiet dissatisfaction. You keep going through the motions, but a part of you knows: this isn’t it.
So how do you know when it’s time to change?
One of the most powerful ways to understand your desire for change is through the lens of “avoidance motivation” and “approach motivation”— two psychological forces that shape every decision we make.
And once you understand which one is driving you, the next step becomes clearer.
Are You Running Away or Moving Towards?
Every decision we make is guided by either avoidance motivation or approach motivation.
Avoidance Motivation is about moving away from something that feels bad—pain, stress, burnout, dissatisfaction.
Approach Motivation is about moving towards something that feels good—fulfillment, excitement, joy, purpose.
Both are valid. Both are powerful. And both can be the spark for real change.
The key is knowing which one is currently guiding you—and whether it’s enough to propel you forward.
Avoidance Motivation: When You Just Can’t Anymore
Avoidance motivation kicks in when you hit your limit.
It’s when:
You can’t face another Sunday night dread before Monday.
The relationship is more draining than supportive.
Your body is exhausted from stress, but you keep pushing through.
You feel trapped, uninspired, disconnected from yourself.
It’s the feeling of enough is enough.
And yet, while avoidance motivation can push us to act, it doesn’t always lead to intentional change. It can be reactive—quitting impulsively, burning bridges, retreating without a plan.
If avoidance is your main driver, pause. Ask yourself: What do I actually want instead? Not just what you want to escape, but what you want to move toward.
Because that’s where approach motivation comes in.
Approach Motivation: When You Feel Pulled Towards Something More
Approach motivation feels different.
It’s when:
You get a spark of excitement thinking about what could be.
The idea of a new path feels energizing, not just like relief.
You’re drawn towards something, even if it’s uncertain.
You start imagining a version of your life that fits better.
Approach motivation is about expansion rather than escape.
When you make a change based on what excites and compels you—rather than just what you’re running from—you’re more likely to create something lasting and meaningful.
But here’s the challenge: many of us wait until avoidance motivation is unbearable before we take action.
We wait until we’re drowning in burnout before we rethink work.
Until a relationship is completely broken before we acknowledge it’s not right.
Until we hit rock bottom before we start listening to ourselves.
What if we didn’t wait?
What if we started paying attention the moment we felt that first pull towards something better?
Where Are You Right Now?
If you’re standing at the edge of change but feeling unsure, ask yourself:
Am I more focused on what I want to leave behind, or what I want to move towards?
Is this decision based on desperation, or is there something I’m genuinely excited to create?
If I gave myself permission to change, what would I step into?
And if the answers feel unclear, that’s okay. This is the work we do.
Your Next Step: Let’s Find Your Direction
Change doesn’t have to be something you have to struggle with alone. Whether you’re running away from something that no longer fits, or being pulled towards something you can’t quite name yet, we can help you navigate this moment.
Our coaching sessions are designed for this exact stage of life. The one where you know something needs to shift, but you’re not sure what—or how.
Explore our coaching sessions here
The first step isn’t about having all the answers. It’s about deciding that you’re ready to explore what’s next.
We’ll be here when you’re ready.
