How to Meditate in the Midst of Holiday Madness (and/or everyday life)
Meditation is important. (Right?) It’s like, THE thing.
With meditation, not only are you taking a much-needed break from your thoughts, and the glorious internet, and whatever else is jockeying for attention in your life…but you’re also taking a few moments to devote yourself, fully, to your own wellness. A beautiful practice. (Your third-eye chakra is likely quivering at the mere mention of such an activity.)
Chances are you’ve made these promises of self-care before:
“Starting next week, I’ll work out everyday!”
“I’m finally going to do that juice cleanse. #rawtil4 #plantbasedprincess #fitfam”
“I will definitely get one of those gong things and breathe out very slowly while the peaceful reverberating sound fades amidst the shrieks of my rampaging children.”
But, let’s be real: you’re busy. Yes, meal prepping and spin class and meditation almost always leave you feeling refreshed and alive, but the pressure of having to fit them in is often enough to send you reeling with overwhelm — particularly over the holidays.
So, this got me thinking: how important is it that I do the FULL 30 minute meditation? Like would I be 50% of a good person if I only did half?? (Am I even looking to be that good?) But, no, whatever you’re thinking is probably right: listening to the whole thing is crucial. Yes. There is, of course, an arc and a story and some highly precise process that your body relies on in order to settle fully.
Truly though, I once tried to stop midway through a meditation (re: rampaging children) and found that one of my eyes just sort of drooped unceremoniously in disappointment for the remainder of the day. It was like it knew peace was soo close, but not quite attainable (a sentiment that was often echoed in my life, naturally, so a bit of a waste of 15 minutes really). And maybe it’s because the REAL peace comes at the end? That slow, deep voice gets slooowwwer and deeeeeeper and you can hardly even stay awake for the subtle ad that they weave, so seamlessly, into the end of each episode.
You’re probably thinking this is just one giant buzzkill where I tell you to give up on your dreams of ascension or betterment or anything good existing in the absence of ample-time and product-placement and greed, or whatever, BUT NO. No, friends! I am here to offer you a priceless life hack. (A hack that will be despised by 95% of the population, but a hack nonetheless!)
If you consume your meditations randomly via the podcast app, as I do (by typing in words like “meditation for sleep” or “mindfulness in the morning” or “meditations, man voice” *ow ow* #sorry) then you know that there is an option to listen to your selections at 1.5 speed.
It would, of course, be preposterous to apply this setting to a meditation that is designed to grant you time and space to center and calm yourself.
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Absurd really.
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Laughable.
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Very much not something a grown-up should do.
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Right?
…
…
Except…
…
here’s the thing you’re not considering….
meditations feature lots of slow-talking. (Like, so much.) And they have a TON of down time built in. (We are talking minute upon minute of silence!) Do we really need that much silence? Is the allotted time scientific? Or are the people recording these things just sort putting us on mute while they call their doctors or watch daytime TV or sing along to the Frozen 2 Soundtrack (#notanad … but that album is legit).
So, ok, I’m guilty. Fine. I was very busy last week. Was planning to dedicate a whole 30 minutes to myself before picking up my homeschooled (read: ever-present) children from an activity, when I got sucked into a too-long work call and my me-time plummeted from a decadent 30 minutes to a pretty-much-useless 15. There was a mediation I was dying to listen to and I had literally no time left. The hosts had specifically stated at the beginning of each episode that I was not to be operating heavy-equipment whilst listening and though I always picture myself riding on a tractor when I hear this, I knew what they meant: Don’t drive your car while you listen to this, you dumb bitch.
Fine.
I complied.
But then, as my pre-departure minutes dwindled, something happened.
In a fit of #mindfulMonday-induced FOMO, I switched on my meditation, fast-forwarded through the “obviously-an-ad” portion (No one loves protein shakes that much, Karen.) and BLAM-O started my peaceful self-care practice at 1.5 speed. (This, I realize, is blasphemy.)
Yes, there were moments where she was (apparently) speaking “normally’ and it sounded like the most frenetic parts of the Alvin and The Chipmunk’s album, but MOST of the time, she was just sort of letting words fall lazily from her mouth. At 1.5 speed things were honestly more palatable. I literally do not have time to hear all your mouth noises as you labor to articulate every word, Karen, please just make me a better person, and be quick about it. (Fun fact: the meditation I listen to is actually led by a woman named Karen! *kisses fingers in victory like a proud Italian chef*)
I know this hack is not for everyone (and maybe it should be for no one?) but in a pinch, as the rush of the holidays descends upon us, it is nice to know we have options. Yes I may have rushed through something that was specifically designed to help me relax, but I assure you, I DID relax. And sometimes just the act of checking something “good” off your to-do list is enough to bring comfort and peace.
Maybe I don’t have ample time to devote to my self-care practice, or maybe I just don’t find the time for it. But isn’t doing something better than doing nothing? Isn’t it the effort that counts? Or the practice that counts? Or the acceptance that while I may not know exactly how to become the best version of myself, that I’m definitely willing to cheat the system in order to make it look like I do that counts?? You might have answers to all of these questions, and instead of bringing a voice to them, I suggest, instead, that you take whatever feelings this has stirred within you, and apply them to your own self-care practice. That way, you’ll feel better, and I’ll continue to float through life blissfully unaware that I am doing it all wrong.
Namaste (but said really quickly).
