Hi There, About Those Emotions You’ve Been Putting Off...
…You meant to get to them, didn’t you? The tightness in your shoulders, the lump in your throat, the exhaustion you can’t quite name. But there were emails to send, dinner to cook, a child to reassure, a parent to check in on. There was a day to get through.
So, you did what you always do. You told yourself: later.
Later, when things slow down. Later, when work isn’t so demanding. Later, when the kids don’t need you as much. Later, when there’s finally space for you to feel whatever it is that’s been hovering in the background.
But here’s the thing about later: It keeps moving.
The Habit of Emotional Postponement
Somewhere along the way, we started treating emotions like a luxury—something we’ll get around to when everything else is handled. We file them away under “To Be Dealt With", telling ourselves that now isn’t the right time. We think we’re being practical, responsible, even strong.
And yet, emotional postponement might not be doing all the things we hope it is.
The feelings don’t disappear. They show up in different ways:
In the way your body holds tension that no amount of stretching seems to release.
In the numbness when someone asks how you really are, and you don’t even know where to start.
In the way small inconveniences—traffic, a forgotten password, a misplaced set of keys—feel like the last straw.
Even though we’re too busy to acknowledge all we’re feeling, often our emotions are there anyway, just under the surface coming out in other ways — we’re just not noticing.
And sometimes, when we’re too busy to feel what’s really happening is that we’re afraid to. Because what if we start feeling and don’t know how to stop? What if we unravel? What if it’s just… too much? What if we don’t have the time to deal with all that comes up?
Midlife, Overwhelm & The Fear of Feeling
This emotional deferral becomes particularly acute in midlife. By now, we’ve learned the mechanics of coping: We smooth the edges, take the sting out, keep ourselves functioning. But at what cost?
The cost of feeling emotionally disconnected—not just from others, but from yourself.
The cost of waking up one morning and realizing you don’t quite recognize the person you’ve become.
The cost of knowing something needs to change, but not knowing how to start.
Women in midlife often find themselves in a paradox: feeling overwhelmed, yet somehow also feeling numb. The weight of responsibility, constant decision-making, and emotional caretaking leaves little space for their own emotions. The more they push them aside, the more distant they feel from their true selves.
And emotions? They don’t disappear. They wait. They show up as tension, exhaustion, irritability, or a vague sense that something is missing.
As Dr. Sharon Blackie writes, midlife is “a profoundly alchemical process, designed to transform us from the inside out.” But we can’t transform if we don’t allow ourselves to feel.
So, Where Do We Begin?
Maybe the answer isn’t about finding more time for emotions, but recognizing they’re already here. Woven into our everyday moments. They’re in the tightness of our breath, the way we move through our days, the things that irritate us, the things that bring unexpected tears to our eyes.
Maybe the question isn’t whether we can afford to feel.
Maybe it’s whether we can afford not to.
If you’ve been feeling emotionally overwhelmed, disconnected, or stuck, emotions coaching can help you navigate this phase with clarity and confidence.
Find out more about this month’s Midlife + Emotions Sessions here.
